ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
