ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
