nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
