This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
