So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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