Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
