sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
