fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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