In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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