I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
