I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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