This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This baby is an asshole
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
