would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
