oh god the rape fog is back!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
