We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am available for nakedness
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
