I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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