Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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