I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
