We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
