wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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