Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
