omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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