Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
