Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
