I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
