i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
