Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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