I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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