Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
