i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Blood and glitter go together right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
