So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so let's talk penis.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
