You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
