i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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