Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This couple is walking their pig around campus
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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