i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
