yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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