Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
