ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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