i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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