I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
