he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
