I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
