The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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