In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
