The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
