Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
