why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
