i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
