I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
