Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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