He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
