Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?

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(949): View more from California

i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"

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(843): View more from South Carolina

just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it

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(214): View more from Texas

I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"

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(917): View more from New York City

I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.

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(909): View more from California

He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

Priorities

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(440): View more from Ohio

Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'

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