i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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