we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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