She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
