and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
