the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
