im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
