I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
