i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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