Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
