i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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