I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
