The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
