Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
