Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
