It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
