Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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