Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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