I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
