wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just had sex on a roof
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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