In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
