My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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