dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
