So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Alive.
So much puke
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
