he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize