I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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