he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
