I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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